When will i be real?

When i be real...when will i feel real...when will i not dream...when will i be free...when will i be gone...when will i be me?

The end...

I am not gonna leave my hopes...my efforts..! I am goin to walk...living my dream!
What is an end ? The word troubles me a lot. I do not want to end anything...end my expectation with someone ...something! What is it? Can someone end my bonding with him...or can i just erase every thought i thought of him? Is it possible for a human to just forget things as it never happend?
I renegotiate with every old thing...mending those thoughts which were immature...kidish! I am growing up...my thinking is also getting matured...i am improving myself...every bit of me is getting changed! I love every change that is taking place...! This does not mean ending something so important. I can never end things as if they never occured...my life is full of shades...full of different colours...i love every colour of my life...even black the darkest among all. I enjoy having them in my life...and i am determined to have them in it to the end of my journey while knowing the very fact that the change is taking place with each breath...and my determination is going to be the only strength...noone else!

In Lucknow for a while

Hi
I came in Lucknow for my job. The job is taking me to the places I never want to settle in. I am good for a while living with my family. Living with the family is fun. I can live in a comfortable place where everything is available. I do not need to trouble. luxury is good. 

Why

Why Am I the way I am
Waiting for a wonderful thing to happen
Why the world is the way it is
It hurts me again and again...

Failure Cycle

I find myself in a cycle of many failures. I have no courage and aspiration left to move ahead with these discouraging results. I knew i would fail. But i tried without any preparation. I wonder why do I feel frustration?
i see everyone going away going far going ahead of me...no one with me. why do i  have to walk alone always?
why?

My sister.. My strength!

I break everyday, see no hope
I loose everyday, see no scope
I fight everyday, see no gain
I strive everyday, see no rain

                                           Then I wonder every time,

                                           To see the strength.

                                            The calm the charm the hope

                                           And the length...

                                            Of patience which is

                                           Never breaking

                                           Even in the doom

                                           Even the earth shaking...

                                           With fear of love or of defeat

                                           Even of the winning

                                          'Coz this can be lost again

                                          In the long running...

                                            The never ending cycle

                                             So exhaustive

                                            How to deal all this

                                            And live...?

Life is a boon
So always smile
But I often...
For a while
Fail to smile
While living and breathing
And complain that
Everything is changing!

When I see you

Making every second so smooth

With the charm of your face

And  ability to reboot

The life ...

Every changing day

That makes every morning

To stay...

Whole day...

Till night..

When the moon comes

With your smile so bright

The darkness goes away

With each twinkle

Of your eyes like stars

And do away all wrinkles

From my face and

From my life

When I see you here

With me so alike

Myself, who knows

All is vain

In the world which exist

around us to train

To be the same

Never ask or claim

Any change any wish

Any desire any brain.

I thank God for the precious company

Which was bestowed upon me by destiny

I love I respect I owe you so much

For every perk you gave me in such

A way I needed No one...!!!

You are the only family only friend I have

Who believes in me without any 'Should Haves'!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SISTER

                                 

Just like that...

I am in Wave mall,  sipping my Coffee at Barista and suddenly a mob starts gathering...so many people start coming into a not much happening place like West End Mall at Gomti nagar. I see the Abhishek Bachchan comes and disappears into a showroom, spends half an hour approximately there. People there look good...Girls  wear different variety of coats and fancy boots.
 During the Abhishek's visit people went crazy...shouted! All the security guards became Bodyguards like the Salman Khan. School children were visible mocking at rules and regulations of their schools. Suddenly my concentration from the idea from the 3rd chapter was disappeared. I began to enjoy the change in the atmosphere.
Now I see the excitement in the people's faces... a proud feeling in self claimed Bodyguard's body languages...and a smile in my face...! What is to understand in this...why to understand in this...! The life is to enjoy just like that!!! :-)

The confession to the God...

This blog is one kind of confession to my all sins...so its holy for me. The world is pretentious...I am unable to keep up with it. Even if I do I loose myself in bits! Hence this column is my discovered way of finding myself again and again! I do not know whether I will be able to survive till the last breath...still I have to keep finding myself continuously. I hope I can do this!

Maths and Me...

Yes a complex relationship! I don't understand it and it gives me the exact same response. Still the desire to know it does persist here deep in my heart. I am scared to admit it but I do want to know it more and more and more...!!! Isn't it a true love!!! :-)
i dont know it... it doesn't give me much needed heed...i fear of it...still long to know it...yes fear to admit this very desire because I know it will insult my ignorance :-(...(ohhh...well jab pyar kiya to darna kya...bas karna hi hai aur karte hi jana hai jab tak positive response na mile!!!). I always seek a person who can make me understand it more! so here I am ...in search for your attention...trying my best to gain the much needed respect! God bless me and my innocent love!
:-)

my dream

I dream to night. Everything was feeling so good. I was with the people I always want to be. I was assured by them a life long companionship. They assured me that they would be for ever...never leaving me alone!!! Huh..my principal told me that she would take care of my leaves...So I do not have to be worried about anything. So I enjoyed with my hero a ride on Merry-Go-Round...the ride i fear the most! But hey strange I never felt any fear because he was with me all the time...looking at me with a smile...the smile I never wanted to go away because of my fear!!!
I feel no need to analyze this...hmm I would not ::-)! I wish...I wish...and I shall keep wishing the most beautiful things in my life! 

Why

Why isn't he the way I always hoped him to be...Why has he come when I was looking for him ...Why had he already grown up then...When I was still a kid...! Why did I try when no hope was remaining...and Why couldn't I speak once again about my feelings!

The Target

Hi
What should be called as Target...it is us to decide or there is someone else who decides it for us...for me! I have never felt this frustration until now. I know I will somehow complete some goals set for me...but who will meet my own goal...the aim which I decided! I decide very few things ...very few goals...I do not know why am I often surrounded by so many. This causes trouble. I do not want to stop doing my job now...as I do not have anything to loose. Did I ever have anything to loose...? I ask myself and a smile comes on my face. What a great tragedy I have always been in...! I am scared of loosing...I am always! I wanted to get over it but I could not...! Yeah that was my target! How I forgot? I am too busy feeling scared that i forget to get over it...doing my job to achieve my target. Its frustrating all the time feeling so insecure about everything I see...I like...I have! When will I loose this fear...how I be the old lost Pragya! I am waiting to see myself again...! .I am stubborn. I can not leave things which I choose...I am going to do those mistakes again...in a smarter way.I bet I am going to spoil myself again....I just love spoiling things...God has made me this way...he has to help me doing this!!!