hi

Feeling secure is now a feeling which comes in the dreams. Now the responsibilities...criticism...reality are key words. I am still far away from everything I want to do. I am responsible for all this delay! My sin is that I believed...! I believed in everything I did...never doubted! I believed in my feelings and went with them. I never thought that there are people who doubt...who doubt in my belief...who wanted me to prove everything with the proofs...and unfortunately whatever my believes were out of such things. They were so strong that collecting proof was never thought. Sadly my all believes were smashed...and proved immature...! Now I am hurt...sometimes I get angry about my illogical believes...! I question why....Why did I feel...and moreover Why did I try to make my believes  reality! Now I am hurt...I hurt everything I love...! Now I am being proved irresponsible by myself...! I condemn my everything...everything I try...! I started doubting...everything...every emotion...every duty I perform! I am no more myself...I am loosing myself! Whenever I try to be the same old me...something grabs me and I have to change...change my believes...! I think I am no more a part of this society...my society...! They do not like me...My own people doubt my intentions...! I am tired of making everybody happy...I am just fed up being responsible for every bad thing...I want everyone to be happy...smiling...and living life with no worries. but my own people do frown...do get angry...do not get rest...and do nothing to make condition favorable for themselves...! I can not do this for them!!! How am I responsible for their misery...they create their own worries...why should I be blamed for everything which goes wrong? I am angry...frowning...but still smiling because I can...! I am happy that life is mine...and I want to live it without worries...with my God!!!

A Confession

A confession has made my life different
I start walking again in the rain
I never realized the depth of my soul
Who has been residing in me...never known
I am no more real or no more free
A string...a bond developed in me
I run away...tired...exhausted
Still can not escape...have to surrender
What is it...a desire so intense
Not leaving me... making me without sense
Something is lost...a part of my body...
Or of my soul...never possessed...wonder it was so mine
How it can be for someone else
When I need it...and can not breath
Without it...Is anyone there
Who can give it to me once again
Because I have not walked since then it left
Where it supported me...showed me...completed me!

hi

same routine leads to boredom and now i am stuck with it. i always run away from irrelevant conversation and here this is the only way to pass time. it is not productive yet my surrounding is infected with this decease. i have to work really hard to avoid these unproductive conversations. i know this is hard still i have to survive. escaping would be a better word to describe my action. i have to remind myself again and again not to get involve...!!! God has to be with me. i have to move forward...i have to...!