disturbances

Hi
I am disturbed to day not because of someone...but because of my own mind. It is always impatient. It wants every soon without any struggle. I dont like smooth roads. I have never had so i am not used to it. The smoothness is boring. I dont like boredom 

My world

Hi
I am a self centered person. I live in my own world. I always have a world of my own where me and my loved character exist. I enjoy them in my dreams. I get bored in reality very easily. Reality repeats it self again n again n again. I cant escape it. you talk and talk in the same way all the time unless so many things are happening or you are travelling so many places. I want to travel...all over the world..never settling anywhere...wandering in every direction. I do not want to feel imbalanced in my life but somewhere I heard that sometimes you have to loose balance to feel balanced. I do not know what the hell they talk. I have got nothing here...do not want to have anything...i want to run away...very far...from everyone who love me...everyone I love. These imbalanced emotions always make me do weird things.

My study...my Love

Hi
My study and my love both are interconnected. I love him more and more as I study deep. I do not know why this connection exist. I feel calm inside me...a feeling of completeness...fullness comes within...and I need no more conversation with him. I do not know how would I able to tell him all about it...I am afraid it may never happen. I wish I am able to talk to him. Its a shame for me that even in this era of communication I am not able to tell him how much I love him...how much I care...how much I want to be with him. How much I want to make him smile...how much i want to make him feel proud of my emotion. Somewhere deep inside me there is a feeling that he does not understand my emotions. I feel that my emotions are very immature in front of his experiences. He knows life better than I do. So how could I ever be able to tell him about this stupid impossible unworldly feelings of mine. I can feel communication gap between me and him I do not know what to do. How to talk to him when he does not help me. I can't do this alone. I hope he helps! 

Time to relax...plzz

hi!
This is a time to relax and have faith in whatever is happening. I have to keep patience and wait for the right time. Sometimes I lose faith and sometimes I give faiths to others...I am not stable. I run behind things I do not possess and teach people not to do so. I find myself in a role of a big hypocrite. My journey to knowledge is hindered because of my own fickleness. I do not like this behavior of mine. I want to get over this weakness. god is with me. I am thinking now...making my mind work...cant afford it to be idle. I have to go on!!!

me

I love everything about myself and expect the same response from others too...yeah to be specific...expect the same from the people I love. Sometimes it does not happen. I get hurt for those times! But I still can not mend anything about me. My friends wants me to act wise still how can I do this I wonder. These emotions kind of kill my soul...why don't I change the way I am...I know I will be loved someday by whom I want to be!!! :-)

Happiness

hey
I am studying...for a change after a long time. I am feeling overwhelmed by  the not so good knowledge I possess...ha ha ha. I am maintaining my pace so that I can improve the way my mind works. I hope the practice will be uninterrupted!!! Fingers crossed!

my state of anxiety

yeah!
I am very anxious. Sometimes I lose myself and start searching for solutions for my problems outside...still I know they are in me. I become very paranoid.I know talking to people will also not help me in anyways. I can not handle these many things when I am home. I lose my calm all the time...its being very frequent now a days. Writing helps still to day it is not helping. What to do. Why mind has limitations...why emotions do not have limitations...? I know being emotional is very easy job but performing one's duty based on them is very difficult.
    I do not have patience to day but I know it will come later and I will sail once again on these tides...not worrying about failures of mind... of feelings... of relationships! I know I am just another human who does commit mistakes...still works on and on...hoping for a better person coming out of her. Keeping my hope alive...dreaming...breathing!