Innocence...or ignorance

i am thinking of starting something which is out of my reach. i do not know whether i ll be able to complete it on my own or not. but i want to follow the same path what i have been following. i do not know what is going to happen with me and with my dreams still i know i am going to walk till i breath...! i am scared but i have to live and this is the only way i know how to live. it seems to me that i have never learnt to live on my own...it seems all my experiences are nothing but so naive...then why have i never realized it before...! why i could not feel my emptiness before...! i am sensitive. i do things with my emotions not with my brain...! i can not use my brain...it does not say anything...it says i am scared...it says that the thing i am going to do is out of my ability!!! it says there is no use of doing anything because no one is watching you...because no one cares...because no one sees me...!!! i have become so invisible that to see myself i have to go into past and look minutely to the ashes of my personality. even then i can not identify who i was...! if i say i am lost...i know this is right...! i did things i always wanted to do...i walked beyond my limitations...and i know doing that was a not me...! i did because i wanted to feel what it was...! i still do not know if i got the right meaning of everything i did. one person came and i am lost...he hurt...and i smiled...he did not care about me and my emotions...and i did not complain...he just watched me...and i let him...enjoyed my attention and i respect him...he did not get affected and i ...i made fool of myself and my emotions...!!! this is a negative feeling. i have never felt it before. so i am different...i am changed...i am deteriorated... the feeling i used to worship is causing me tremendous pain...i am hurt because i am unnoticed...my precious emotion got no value in someone's life...why i am thinking in this way? why my ego is hurt? he refused to be with me this is the only simple thing...why can't i just take it as just another experience...! i am hurt. i am hurt. i loved him without having any expectations...so why can not i still love him the same? why do i feel empty and worthless...! i am trying hard to rediscover myself...i know i will definitely find me again and will able to love myself again...i hope!!